Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
