he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
