i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
