I am full of burrito and curiosity
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
