Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
