he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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