i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
