My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
