This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
