im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
