You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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