I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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