The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
