I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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