my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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