my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
