I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
