I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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