I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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