Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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