Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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