butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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