would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
