I think scott just propositioned me for sex
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
