Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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