Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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