we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
