Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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