Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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