Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
