As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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