walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
