Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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