i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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