So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
