best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
