I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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