found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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