its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
