are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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