i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
