I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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