never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
