Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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