You just made me feel so damn special
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
