I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
