Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
