What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mom said you looked used
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
