I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
