u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
